A Happyness Most Unexpected
by Luxastuff
Summary: One shot of married Jily


'To Marlene McKinnon.' A chorus of voices chanted the name. Lily sobbed, clutching her glass of firewhiskey and trying to be composed enough to raise it to her lips. As soon as she held it close to her face the thought of the burning liquid running through her body and the scent of the alcohol made her sick and she refrained from drinking it, sobbing and almost retching. She looked up at James and could not help but notice how the bags under his eyes seemed to get bigger and his smile smaller. He was sobbing also. She never would have thought she would get used to the sight of her husband crying but apparently six funerals in one month did the deed.

She grabbed his shirt tighter while trying to stop an enormous sob that was forcing its way out of her throat. Six people, all dedicated to the Order and Dumbledore's aims, of whom not all had been her close friends but persons nevertheless, had been buried in the hard frozen earth, without much ceremony, sometimes not even with family there. Either because they must not know of the Order's existence or because there was simply no one left to grieve.

Marlene had been the last one of her family as well. All around Lily and James stood people, sobbing and grieving, who were not of her blood, but loved her nevertheless. Finally James turned his tear-streaked face to her and tried to say something but when another big lump formed in his throat he shook his head and simply nodded to her filled glass.

'Couldn't drink it.' She said solemnly.

He nodded again and after he swallowed heavily he replied quietly: 'Reckon Benji will need it' while gesturing to a middle-aged man sitting on the edge of a worn sofa and staring into space. Lily's heart ached as she looked at him and thought of the unfairness of this world and the wonderful life he could have had if he had just asked Marlene out, if there would not be a war, if she were not dead.

With a little gesture of her hand she indicated she would be bringing Benji the firewhiskey and James simply closed his eyes and let a new tear fall on his cheek. So she turned away from her husband and moved through the people who slowly began talking to each other again. She saw so much grief, so much hopelessness in their expressions, that looking at their faces became harder and harder every time they met again. She saw Alice, clearly trying to stop weeping. When Lily approached, she buried her head in the palms of her hands and turned away.

She reached Benji and tried to come up with some comforting words but she had run out of words at the second funeral this month. And even if she said something, everybody knew it was not helping, just shallow words of people who could change nothing about the situation. Lily knew how aggravating these phrases can be. She had lost Hestia half a year prior. So she simply held out her glass to Benji and rubbed his shoulder when he downed it immediately.

Walking back, she heard somebody had turned on the radio and soft music was playing and people were talking, sometimes even laughing about stories of Marlene. She came close to Mrs Longbottom who was not a member of the Order but nevertheless offered her house for meeting. She was a strong woman with a strong scent and right now her perfume made Lily sick. She turned away to breathe deeply but a sudden urge steered her to the bathroom. Stumbling in, she ran directly to the loo and vomited heavily. Hot panic shot through her veins, poison, she thought, I have to warn the others. She tried bolting through the door but needed to double back and once more vomit.

Apparently her retching sounds drew some attention as Professor McGonagall walked in and ran her cool, calm fingers over Lily's back.

'Too much, my dear?' she asked concerned.

Lily shook her head and wanted to protest as another cramp came. The Professor continued running her hand over her back while the other held her hair. Remus walked in next and upon seeing her stepped out immediately, returning moments later with James by his side.

'Lily' he panted and came over to take her hair and stroke her back.

McGonagall stood tall again. 'Lily', she said, 'do you know what caused this?'

'Poison?' she tried to ask and apparently they understood her as they all began to calm her down.

'Lily, no, there is nothing poisoned here, this house is protected by the best wards Dumbledore can provide. No way would somebody be able to poison anything.' She sensed that James tried his best to calm her but she was getting rather paranoid lately.

'James here is right; Professor Dumbledore and all of our fellow Order members are all highly capable of protecting our kind. Besides it is not in the manners of our enemies to murder silently.'

But only Remus seemed to be the one with a logical argument 'Lily, why poison the water when they could have poisoned the firewhiskey?'

It made her almost laugh, of course there was nothing wrong with the water. Right here, right now, on this funeral they were save, at least for the moment. How depressing that you can only feel safe at a funeral these days, Lily thought. Still hanging above the toilet, she waited for the retching and cramps to stop. Breathing heavily she heard Remus and McGonagall discuss what could have caused her illness.

'I don't think so Professor' Remus argued 'I've never heard of a curse like this.'

'But she was on a mission last week and they had her, what if they have given her something to spread in our ranks?'

At this James chimed in. 'Excuse me Professor McGonagall, are you accusing my wife of bringing something dangerous to the Order?' James seemed aggravated, everyone was really.

Lily tried to disperse the tension. 'James, nobody is accusing me of anything, Professor, I was indeed taken but I was conscious all the time and freed myself in less than ten minutes so there is no way they could have done it to me then.'

McGonagall sighed 'Of course, dear, I'm sorry to have assumed it.' She sadly shook her head. 'It's hard times, I shouldn't run around, accusing the people I trust, as few as they are.'

Remus and James, who both had adopted a fighting stance, eased. Everybody seemed to be tired of wariness. Suddenly Sirius with an empty firewhiskey glass in the hand came to the bathroom door.

'You okay?' He looked at James with a mix of fear and drunkenness in his eyes. James smiled at him, truly smiled, Sirius was the only one who could really make him smile at a time like this and sometimes Lily envied that talent.

'Yes Padfoot, nothing is poisoned and it's nobody's fault.' Sirius seemed to be confused by his words which made Remus smile, too.

'Ahh' McGonagall exclaimed. 'So sorry my dear, what IS wrong with you then?' She turned to Lily. James turned, too and quickly took her hand, his smiled replaced by a worried frown. 'Lily? What's wrong?'

'Nothing. I think. I mean I'm not fine, but who is, maybe it's just the stress. This is actually not the first time, I blame it on the funerals.'

'This is not the first time? Why didn't you tell me?' James sounded worried and angry, but mostly worried.

'I didn't think much of it.' Lily thought of the other times she had felt ill recently. At the funerals she always felt ill, though she hadn't vomited at any of them. At the house the other morning, she awakened and had to run to the bathroom to be sick, but she had blamed it on the worry because James and Sirius had been on an overnight mission. Then it struck her, the difference that could have caused this.

'Lily, do you know what it is?' McGonagall whispered, the boys were apparently discussing something about Lily's condition. James seemed down. Lily with her eyes wide, nodded.

'I think so, but Professor! It can't be, I must be mistaken!' McGonagall seemed to understand.

'Have you had your period recently?' She asked her quietly.

Lily shook her head and started to cry, 'But I blamed it on the stress, it happened before' She sobbed now. At the sound of this, Jamed turned around and immediately strode towards Lily to take her in his arms.

'Lily, you okay? What's wrong, maybe I can help?'

Lily laughed in between her sobs, he would most definitely need to help, she thought.

'I'm pregnant' she whispered, barely audible. And with that the sudden realization crashed down on her. The war that was raging right outside their door, the funeral they were attending right now because of that war, James and her being 21 and most definitely not prepared to have a baby, the little human that was growing inside of her, the fact that she would have to deliver him into this violent world. She sobbed even louder.

'Lily, Lily, what is it? I didn't hear you.' James now kneeled in front of her while she was sitting on the loo. Remus and Sirius were standing behind James, their faces expressing their sorrow and curiousity at what happened to Lily.

'I'm pregnant.' She said louder this time and she could see James' face falling, his mouth slightly open with wide eyes, staring into hers.

Lily started crying again. 'James, James I can't. I can't do this.' The sobs shook her now and she clung to her husband's hands. 'Not now James. How could we? This world…this war' Tears were streaming down her face now.

'Lily' James murmured. 'Oh my Lily' And he took her fully into his arms, letting her face rest at his chest. Sirius and Remus looked at each other and at McGonagall and the three exited the room, the two young men staying just outside the door.

Lily's sobs didn't quiet down, so James took her face in his hands and forced her to look into his eyes. 'Lily, I love you so much and this should not be reason to cry for us.'

Lily saw him smiling, actually smiling. 'But..' she said 'the war, we cannot let him come into this broken world' Her desperation soaked her words. James smiled even wider, just the kind of smile that she thought she couldn't evoke in him.

'So it's a boy?'

Lily stopped crying at that and blushed instead. 'I don't know, but in my head it couldn't be anything else than a miniature you' At this they heard a snort from the door. Lily did smile this time, too.

'Lily, it's gonna be okay. Do you understand me?' James stroke her hair with a victorious smile still plastered on his face.

'But what about the war, what about the Order, what about Voldemort? Can you promise he will be safe, or that we will be safe and there to raise him? Because I can't and that is what's frightening me enormously.'

'Lily, I cannot promise any of that, but I can promise you that we both are strong and healthy, that we both can defend our child and ourselves, that I would never let anything happen to you or this child.'

'And even if both of you died, I'm gonna be godfather and I will raise him perfectly in your place!' Sirius came barging in with Remus right at his heels. Lily laughed at that, it seemed her child wouldn't have such a bad future after all'

'Oh don't worry' Remus cut in 'I will be there to show Sirius how it's done.'

James laughed out loud for the first time in what for Lily felt like years.


End file.
